The inaugural Pay It Foodward, where I buy someone lunch or dinner and that person in turn buys someone else lunch or dinner, began with a baton twirl with the ever sardonic and hilarious Christine Cuddy. After much ado regarding when to schedule our lunch due to our mutual “busy” schedules, we decided to meet on a Friday at Beantown Pub.
This place has got it all. Pool tables. Tourists. A neon electronic jukebox. Duck boats on the minute, every minute. Luckily, we got seats right away in the adjacent dining room to the bar, and a nice lady with some sort of accent took our orders.
Cuddy: “I’ll have a Diet Coke.”
Waitress: “Is Pepsi OK?”
Cuddy: “Oh sure.”
Cuddy: “It’s not OK.”
Still, Cuddy was pleased that Steak Tip salad was on the menu.
The steak tips were good.
The cheeseburger was also very good. Meat was a perfect medium-rare. The cole slaw tasted like oiled dirt though. Note to self: always get fries. You can’t really mess up fries.
Between the juicy bites of meat, Cuddy and I had a very fun and pleasant conversion. Most of it will remain off record, but it’ll suffice to say that, yes, we did talk about you, and yes, you ain’t shit. As usual, we talked about comedy and what we want out of it. Cuddy has been a long-time performer at ImprovBoston, now recently having joined the Mainstage cast after putting in her stint in Plan B, which is what Extended Mainstage will be called when that Harold team eventually disbands. She’s consistently funny; one of the driest deliveries at IB with always a quick retort to any line uttered by another improviser on stage. She’ll also dance your face off, and in my opinion should bring more of her awesome physical comedy to the stage.
So each of these Pay It Foodward will have 5 questions for my guest. Cuddy handled each with great aplomb:
What word do you hate?
Oily. It reminded her of an odd gentleman who was around IB back in the day who had one eye that seemed to be constantly melting. Barf. Cuddy said he was odd and was someone you would internally sigh about if caught in a conversation. She and Megan G. named him “Oily Eye” and thus, she hates that word because it makes her think of him.
What is sexy?
Cuddy answered this broad question in two parts. 1) She thinks physically, nice hands are sexy. Man hands. Not calloused though, as she enjoys a soft touch, but sturdy, strong. Hands that COULD make a chair, but doesn’t feel like it. Veins, she also said, indicated that he worked out. I didn’t point out that it could also indicate a meth problem. 2) Someone who is not unhappy. A generally positive demeanor is sexy, she noted. This prompted me to ask if she is generally happy, which she said yes to. Thereby, by the transitive property in math that I learned being Asian, I concluded that Cuddy is sexy. The mathematical proof is pending peer review.
Invent me a word
Cuddy initially started with Gaycation, but that’s already been invented, or at least in moderate usage. But talking about being surrounded by a bunch of homosexual men in P-Town (which Cuddy very much enjoys) led to a much better invented word: Gayggle – a gaggle of gays.
What is a piece of good advice?
“If you’re happy for other people, it will make you happier.” Sound advice. Cuddy frowned upon getting down on people’s successes. Negatively breeds negativity. Sure, it’s hard to be positive about someone’s fortunes all the time, especially if they succeed in an area you’re also trying to succeed in (damn you, Ryan Reynolds), but Cuddy says it is something you work on, and you can learn to be happy for your friends when they’re happy. Being happy for the successes of friends often lead to the friends throwing you a bone in the future too, she noted. After all, she got to perform with Sassy Gay Friend live when the show came to town recently. Very sound advice. I hate her wisdom.
How would you break up with me, Robert Woo?
In the hypothetical situation that we were in a relationship and she needed to dump me, Cuddy promised me that she would go to the grocery store and get me a box of Bagel Bites.
She’d actually bake them for me, then sit me down on a couch, and say to me “remember how we joke about how if I ever handed you a plate of Bagel Bites and sat you on the couch, that I’d be breaking up with you…?” Smart girl. Putting that escape clause early on in the relationship is a good move; especially if lubricated by tasty BBs.
This meal cost about $30 for two dishes, two sodas, and tip. It was worth the time I got to spend with someone I don’t do enough comedy with. Cuddy, let’s do a Hard Left sketch together. My first Pay it Foodward success. Now, who will Cuddy Pay it Foodward with?